This sermon has helped me tremendously. I'd encourage anyone who has the time or is struggling or needs assurance of Gods love and care to listen to it.
2008-12-05
2008-10-31
"Dare To Tell" survey from myspacebulletins.com
What type of day are you having?
An exceptionally good day, simply because of my attitude.
Was there anyone who "made your day"?
No, not really this specific day. Though, everyone I talked to helped make it better.
Are you liking how you look today?
I haven't even noticed.
Do you have anyone crushing on you?
No.
Have you ever eaten a bug?
Sure. Lots of them. My favorite is a certain type of termite called Inswa. Taste kindof like popcorn when cooked right.
Are you vegeterian?
No.
When was the last time you kissed someone?
Mouth, never. Cheek or forehead, I don't know, but quite a long time ago.
Have you ever had something stuck between your teeth, but no one decided to tell you?
Psht. I have no idea.
Are you a mother or a father?
No.
When was your last paycheck?
Well, I last got paid some weeks ago.
How many pets do you have?
Zero.
What kind of toothpaste do you use?
Colgate, varying kinds. Hardly pay attention actually.
Are you closer to being rich or poor?
Far from either the way I think. I'm not starving to death, but don't have lots of money to spare either.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No. But sometimes I do.
What was the last gift someone gave you?
Hmm... An adaptor for my monitor/computer if I remember correctly.
Do you appreciate that person?
Yes, I appreciate Brendan.
Are you on any type of drugs?
No.
Are you in love?
No.
Have you ever been in love?
No, not the way I define the term anyway.
Do you even believe in love?
Definitely!
How many things are you really thinking about right now?
Pretty much only this survey right now actually, because my mind is very tired.
Did you talk to anyone you didn't like today?
No.
Do you like picnics?
If they're with nice people, yes. But the people are what make them so nice.
Have you finished school yet?
Meh. I hope to get some college degree sooner or later, so no.
What is/was your worst subject?
Eh. English maybe? But I liked pretty much all subjects.
What's your father's middle name?
Emmett
Are you American?
Yes.
...fizzled out and didn't complete the survey because I'm so sleepy. Didn't particularly feel like answering the rest of them anyway. :-p
I love these surveys though, so if anyone finds one on myspacebulletins.com or anywhere, I'll be glad to answer all the questions honestly to the best of my abilities -- just send me the survey or a link and give me some time.
An exceptionally good day, simply because of my attitude.
Was there anyone who "made your day"?
No, not really this specific day. Though, everyone I talked to helped make it better.
Are you liking how you look today?
I haven't even noticed.
Do you have anyone crushing on you?
No.
Have you ever eaten a bug?
Sure. Lots of them. My favorite is a certain type of termite called Inswa. Taste kindof like popcorn when cooked right.
Are you vegeterian?
No.
When was the last time you kissed someone?
Mouth, never. Cheek or forehead, I don't know, but quite a long time ago.
Have you ever had something stuck between your teeth, but no one decided to tell you?
Psht. I have no idea.
Are you a mother or a father?
No.
When was your last paycheck?
Well, I last got paid some weeks ago.
How many pets do you have?
Zero.
What kind of toothpaste do you use?
Colgate, varying kinds. Hardly pay attention actually.
Are you closer to being rich or poor?
Far from either the way I think. I'm not starving to death, but don't have lots of money to spare either.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No. But sometimes I do.
What was the last gift someone gave you?
Hmm... An adaptor for my monitor/computer if I remember correctly.
Do you appreciate that person?
Yes, I appreciate Brendan.
Are you on any type of drugs?
No.
Are you in love?
No.
Have you ever been in love?
No, not the way I define the term anyway.
Do you even believe in love?
Definitely!
How many things are you really thinking about right now?
Pretty much only this survey right now actually, because my mind is very tired.
Did you talk to anyone you didn't like today?
No.
Do you like picnics?
If they're with nice people, yes. But the people are what make them so nice.
Have you finished school yet?
Meh. I hope to get some college degree sooner or later, so no.
What is/was your worst subject?
Eh. English maybe? But I liked pretty much all subjects.
What's your father's middle name?
Emmett
Are you American?
Yes.
...fizzled out and didn't complete the survey because I'm so sleepy. Didn't particularly feel like answering the rest of them anyway. :-p
I love these surveys though, so if anyone finds one on myspacebulletins.com or anywhere, I'll be glad to answer all the questions honestly to the best of my abilities -- just send me the survey or a link and give me some time.
2008-10-24
Casting Crowns
Started today off feeling kinda down, and ended up just watching some youtube videos and stuff, wasting time. Then started writing my dear mother, and trying to encourage her. Was reminded of 'Praise You in this Storm' by Casting Crowns, and listened to that quite loud, paying close attention to all the words. It made me cry, and helped a lot. Now I'm listening to Lifesong by them, and it voices my current prayer very well.
2008-10-20
A Sacrifice of Praise
Here's an actually useful blog:
http://asacrificeofpraise.wordpress.com/
Just found it today as a link of "Possibly related posts" on a Skillet blog post. Haven't read a huge amount, but just the 'about me', 'what's the point' and 'the story of God’s goodness' posts made me like, "Wow. This person is actually using her blog for something important."
http://asacrificeofpraise.wordpress.com/
Just found it today as a link of "Possibly related posts" on a Skillet blog post. Haven't read a huge amount, but just the 'about me', 'what's the point' and 'the story of God’s goodness' posts made me like, "Wow. This person is actually using her blog for something important."
2008-10-18
From the Inside Out
Was feeling down, and this song cheered me up. :D I love it. From the Inside Out, by Hillsong United.
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
2008-10-07
...
This blog seems to be dead...
Perhaps I will post here sometime when I feel like writing to nobody and everybody. *shrug* It was fun, but I guess I don't really have time for it. If I'm going to write, I usually want to write friends, and by the time I finish just a single email, my free time is usually gone.
Perhaps I will post here sometime when I feel like writing to nobody and everybody. *shrug* It was fun, but I guess I don't really have time for it. If I'm going to write, I usually want to write friends, and by the time I finish just a single email, my free time is usually gone.
2008-08-18
Thank you God.
It seemed that I was too busy and kept getting further and further behind on communicating with anyone, simply because I didn't have time to write people. But now I realize I've actually been wasting a lot of time. I prayed that God would use this trip to Liberty to help me, but I could not have imagined just how much God has helped me by this trip!
I was getting very lonely, longing for someone to share everything with, someone to help build me up and encourage me in my walk with God. I made a constant effort to pray and read God's word each morning, but was constantly finding my mind drifting. Either falling asleep (despite having slept for well over 8 hours) or just reading black words on a white page, not learning anything. I knew I was under spiritual attack, but was having a very hard time overcoming it. After reading a chapter or two in the Bible, I'd realize I hadn't learned anything, so would pray again for God to direct my mind and thoughts, and protect me from distractions. Yet still, even reading again, I would find my mind wondering. Not to any specific thoughts, just away from Gods Word. By the time I realized this, I'd find that it was already late morning, and I hadn't even started working at all. So, feeling terrible for not having learned anything, and also for not having done any work, I'd turn on my computer, and then start sorting though email, which was also generally a total waste of time -- reading comic strips I'd subscribed to, Slashdot news that doesn't affect me at all, and things like that. Then I'd realize, 'I've got to start working!' So I'd find out what I needed to work on, and want to work on it seriously, doing my best and taking the least amount of time also. But usually by this time (Possibly as late as 2:30) I'd be quite hungry from not eating breakfast or lunch, so I'd have to make a sandwich or something to keep hunger from distracting me. Okay, by then it was possibly as late as 3:00, and I hadn't really even done anything the whole day. So I'd start working on something. But even working, I would waste time by trying to run games in the background, pausing my work timer every half hour or so to check on them and start my characters doing something 'useful' again. Sometimes I'd finish all the work Emmett had given me to do, but not go ask for more, simply because I really wasn't working well, and knew it. Plus, I needed the time to catch up on email and Facebook. And besides, it was usually already after 8:00 by this time, and I wouldn't have time to do anything serious anyway. So I'd piddle around for a while, sometimes working on an email, or perhaps just playing a game, yet being ashamed because Emmett was working the whole time. When he finally did stop, we'd see about some food, and I'd realize I could have (as I did when first coming here) been working on it the whole time I didn't have anything to do. Or at least washing the dishes and cleaning up a bit. After eating, and most likely watching a few episodes of one of the many TV series Emmett has on his computer or DVD, (Perhaps 11:00 at night by now), I wouldn't really want to go to bed, because as soon as I go to bed, another day is gone, completely, and there are going to be all kinds of time wasters the next morning. So I'd stay up, trying to write an email, trying to chat with a friend, or perhaps just playing a game, willing the day to go on. My mind was basically useless for chatting or writing though. Of course, not wanting the day to end resulted in me going to bed very late, and, of course, because of that, getting up later and later each morning. Often, even when I did wake up, I'd try to sleep more rather than starting the day, feeling that my lack of concentration and enthusiasm were largely because of being tired and not getting enough sleep.
The strange thing is that I didn't really realize any of that. I was starting to, but more just realizing that something was wrong, and kindof pointing it all at being tired and homesick. I suppose not realizing it was largely because of not really even thinking. I wasn't unhappy. I was content, and, in general, quite happy. Many great things were happening, and I was enjoying them -- Fun memorable times on both Brendan's birthday and Emmett's birthday, getting to know Brendan a bit better, etc. But despite that, I think I fell more into the category of existing, rather than living. Without thinking, I don't think we really live.
I guess God just knew exactly what I needed though, because going to Liberty has made my mind /SO/ much clearer -- has made me realize all of that, and given me a lot of things to think about, pray about, and learn more about.
The whole trip was somewhat of a surprise actually. I had mentioned it quite some time ago (soon after coming here actually) and nothing more had really been said about it, so I had basically given up hope of seeing Neema before her semester started this time. One day, however, from nowhere as far as I saw it, Emmett just said, "Well, you haven't said anything about it. Are we going to try and go see Neema before her school starts?" And Saturday morning, the very next weekend, we were driving towards Virginia. Our plans were limited to meeting Neema at a specific place on campus, and leaving on Monday. We assumed we'd find some hotel to spend the nights in.
We met Neema, as planned, on Campus, sometime after 4:00. We had hoped to get there before 4:30, but it ended up being closer to 5:00. Obviously, we were both extremely excited! I mean, hey, this is my twin sister, one of the dearest people in the world.
Neema showed us around campus a bit, and then took us to the cafeteria to meet two of my other friends. Apparently they had been waiting for us with Neema from 4:00 for about 45 minutes, but had just left to go eat when we got there.
I think the first thing that really surprised me about the school was just how big it was! They have close to 11,000 students there!! That is /a lot/ of people! The school was /very/ nice also! Of course, we didn't see everything, but anyway.
Since Neema hadn't eaten since breakfast, and we had only eaten one meal also, we decided to just all eat there. It was fairly good... Not anything to get excited about, but not anything to make you sick or anything either. We met our friends there there, and ate with them. As it turned out, that was the only time we saw them.
After eating, Neema showed us the other main buildings on campus, and then we took her to her "dorm".
Apparently, Liberty has a lot more students this year than they have ever had before, so what they did was buy a hotel, and use it's rooms as dorm rooms. There were still empty rooms though, so they are running it as a hotel at the same time, I think mainly for visitors. So, we got to stay there! That was /really/ nice, because it meant Emmett could stay in the room or whatever he wanted without us having to drive somewhere to see Neema. Another of my friends was in the same hotel (which was quite big -- a few hundred rooms I think), as well as many of the other international students. We didn't really do anything at all exciting; I just got to talk to Neema a lot, and I think God really spoke through her and helped me a lot. She helped me realize that what I've been doing is basically just praying that God's would guide me to do whatever he wants me to do, and then waiting for magic to happen. Instead I need to be actively seeking and thinking about what I want to do the rest of my life -- weighing options and praying about each of them. She also greatly encouraged me to be always learning and keeping my mind active. We talked about all kinds of things, but those are two of the things that really stuck with me and I think I needed a lot. Sure, I should have, and I suppose did, know those things already, but I guess I needed reminded. She also thanked me on numerous occasions for all the help that we were. I think that through us, God helped her to go from being scared and hurting, and feeling insignificant and very alone to feeling loved and confident that she will, with God's constant help, be able to not only survive through these years but learn and progress though them. Talking to her, I really think God used us to help her just as much as He used her to help me. HE is so amazing!
Her curfew was at 12:30 for the weekend, so just a little while before that she went to her room.
There were around 300 students, just at this hotel. It was quite neat, seeing and meeting so many students from all over the world. Neema's roommate is from Kenya, so they can speak Swahili together. I think they'll get along very well.
Emmett was in our room watching the Olympics most of this time.
The next day, Sunday, Emmett and I went and ate breakfast in the dining area of the inn since it was included with the meal. Then we watched the Olympics for a while. Around 10:30, as planned, we met with Neema and went to church. She only knew the locations of a couple churches in the area, and decided to try this one first. It was HUGE! Just the choir and band was over 200 people, and they looked very small compared to the rest of the congregation. Despite the fact that the building was enormous, seating I don't know how many thousands of people, it was still packed, leaving many people without seats. Just seeing the two ENORMOUS parking lots, the Liberty University police directing traffic in there, and the ridiculously large building kind of turned me off at first, but it was actually very good, and God really used the service there to help me even more. The song service was wonderful, and the sermon was about much of the same things Neema and I had talked about the night before, including the need for fellow believers to help build us up. One thing that really stood out to me was two Greek words, both translated into the English word "know". One of those words referred specifically to knowledge. The other one, however, referred to more like a progressive knowledge -- a knowing, and constantly learning more. And, of course, we need to have that second kind of knowledge when it comes God. (And a lot of other things, but that's not the point right now). I know that, it just fit very well with all that we'd talked about the night before and helped me make the distinction again.
After church, we wanted to go somewhere to eat. The church caused a major traffic jam in the whole town for a few hours though, despite the roads the church had built to give people more ways in and out, and by the time we had discovered what our options were, all the places we were interested in going to were completely packed with long lines of people. So after driving around for (literally) a couple hours, we just stopped at Kroger and bought something quick with the plans to go somewhere that evening. So, we went back home and Neema and I talked for a few hours. Then we went with Emmett to Cracker Barrel. It was good. When we came back, Neema and I talked till a bit after 10:00. An hour or two of that was with our other friend at that dorm also, and occasionally another student who had some time or who had met Neema before or something.
This morning I got up and said bye before Neema left on the bus bringing students to campus. It runs every 30 minutes. Then I went back to bed until Emmett got up, and then we came home.
The whole trip was /VERY/ refreshing. Mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I'm very greatful to God for using it to help me so much! These days have definitely been some of the best in my life.
I was getting very lonely, longing for someone to share everything with, someone to help build me up and encourage me in my walk with God. I made a constant effort to pray and read God's word each morning, but was constantly finding my mind drifting. Either falling asleep (despite having slept for well over 8 hours) or just reading black words on a white page, not learning anything. I knew I was under spiritual attack, but was having a very hard time overcoming it. After reading a chapter or two in the Bible, I'd realize I hadn't learned anything, so would pray again for God to direct my mind and thoughts, and protect me from distractions. Yet still, even reading again, I would find my mind wondering. Not to any specific thoughts, just away from Gods Word. By the time I realized this, I'd find that it was already late morning, and I hadn't even started working at all. So, feeling terrible for not having learned anything, and also for not having done any work, I'd turn on my computer, and then start sorting though email, which was also generally a total waste of time -- reading comic strips I'd subscribed to, Slashdot news that doesn't affect me at all, and things like that. Then I'd realize, 'I've got to start working!' So I'd find out what I needed to work on, and want to work on it seriously, doing my best and taking the least amount of time also. But usually by this time (Possibly as late as 2:30) I'd be quite hungry from not eating breakfast or lunch, so I'd have to make a sandwich or something to keep hunger from distracting me. Okay, by then it was possibly as late as 3:00, and I hadn't really even done anything the whole day. So I'd start working on something. But even working, I would waste time by trying to run games in the background, pausing my work timer every half hour or so to check on them and start my characters doing something 'useful' again. Sometimes I'd finish all the work Emmett had given me to do, but not go ask for more, simply because I really wasn't working well, and knew it. Plus, I needed the time to catch up on email and Facebook. And besides, it was usually already after 8:00 by this time, and I wouldn't have time to do anything serious anyway. So I'd piddle around for a while, sometimes working on an email, or perhaps just playing a game, yet being ashamed because Emmett was working the whole time. When he finally did stop, we'd see about some food, and I'd realize I could have (as I did when first coming here) been working on it the whole time I didn't have anything to do. Or at least washing the dishes and cleaning up a bit. After eating, and most likely watching a few episodes of one of the many TV series Emmett has on his computer or DVD, (Perhaps 11:00 at night by now), I wouldn't really want to go to bed, because as soon as I go to bed, another day is gone, completely, and there are going to be all kinds of time wasters the next morning. So I'd stay up, trying to write an email, trying to chat with a friend, or perhaps just playing a game, willing the day to go on. My mind was basically useless for chatting or writing though. Of course, not wanting the day to end resulted in me going to bed very late, and, of course, because of that, getting up later and later each morning. Often, even when I did wake up, I'd try to sleep more rather than starting the day, feeling that my lack of concentration and enthusiasm were largely because of being tired and not getting enough sleep.
The strange thing is that I didn't really realize any of that. I was starting to, but more just realizing that something was wrong, and kindof pointing it all at being tired and homesick. I suppose not realizing it was largely because of not really even thinking. I wasn't unhappy. I was content, and, in general, quite happy. Many great things were happening, and I was enjoying them -- Fun memorable times on both Brendan's birthday and Emmett's birthday, getting to know Brendan a bit better, etc. But despite that, I think I fell more into the category of existing, rather than living. Without thinking, I don't think we really live.
I guess God just knew exactly what I needed though, because going to Liberty has made my mind /SO/ much clearer -- has made me realize all of that, and given me a lot of things to think about, pray about, and learn more about.
The whole trip was somewhat of a surprise actually. I had mentioned it quite some time ago (soon after coming here actually) and nothing more had really been said about it, so I had basically given up hope of seeing Neema before her semester started this time. One day, however, from nowhere as far as I saw it, Emmett just said, "Well, you haven't said anything about it. Are we going to try and go see Neema before her school starts?" And Saturday morning, the very next weekend, we were driving towards Virginia. Our plans were limited to meeting Neema at a specific place on campus, and leaving on Monday. We assumed we'd find some hotel to spend the nights in.
We met Neema, as planned, on Campus, sometime after 4:00. We had hoped to get there before 4:30, but it ended up being closer to 5:00. Obviously, we were both extremely excited! I mean, hey, this is my twin sister, one of the dearest people in the world.
Neema showed us around campus a bit, and then took us to the cafeteria to meet two of my other friends. Apparently they had been waiting for us with Neema from 4:00 for about 45 minutes, but had just left to go eat when we got there.
I think the first thing that really surprised me about the school was just how big it was! They have close to 11,000 students there!! That is /a lot/ of people! The school was /very/ nice also! Of course, we didn't see everything, but anyway.
Since Neema hadn't eaten since breakfast, and we had only eaten one meal also, we decided to just all eat there. It was fairly good... Not anything to get excited about, but not anything to make you sick or anything either. We met our friends there there, and ate with them. As it turned out, that was the only time we saw them.
After eating, Neema showed us the other main buildings on campus, and then we took her to her "dorm".
Apparently, Liberty has a lot more students this year than they have ever had before, so what they did was buy a hotel, and use it's rooms as dorm rooms. There were still empty rooms though, so they are running it as a hotel at the same time, I think mainly for visitors. So, we got to stay there! That was /really/ nice, because it meant Emmett could stay in the room or whatever he wanted without us having to drive somewhere to see Neema. Another of my friends was in the same hotel (which was quite big -- a few hundred rooms I think), as well as many of the other international students. We didn't really do anything at all exciting; I just got to talk to Neema a lot, and I think God really spoke through her and helped me a lot. She helped me realize that what I've been doing is basically just praying that God's would guide me to do whatever he wants me to do, and then waiting for magic to happen. Instead I need to be actively seeking and thinking about what I want to do the rest of my life -- weighing options and praying about each of them. She also greatly encouraged me to be always learning and keeping my mind active. We talked about all kinds of things, but those are two of the things that really stuck with me and I think I needed a lot. Sure, I should have, and I suppose did, know those things already, but I guess I needed reminded. She also thanked me on numerous occasions for all the help that we were. I think that through us, God helped her to go from being scared and hurting, and feeling insignificant and very alone to feeling loved and confident that she will, with God's constant help, be able to not only survive through these years but learn and progress though them. Talking to her, I really think God used us to help her just as much as He used her to help me. HE is so amazing!
Her curfew was at 12:30 for the weekend, so just a little while before that she went to her room.
There were around 300 students, just at this hotel. It was quite neat, seeing and meeting so many students from all over the world. Neema's roommate is from Kenya, so they can speak Swahili together. I think they'll get along very well.
Emmett was in our room watching the Olympics most of this time.
The next day, Sunday, Emmett and I went and ate breakfast in the dining area of the inn since it was included with the meal. Then we watched the Olympics for a while. Around 10:30, as planned, we met with Neema and went to church. She only knew the locations of a couple churches in the area, and decided to try this one first. It was HUGE! Just the choir and band was over 200 people, and they looked very small compared to the rest of the congregation. Despite the fact that the building was enormous, seating I don't know how many thousands of people, it was still packed, leaving many people without seats. Just seeing the two ENORMOUS parking lots, the Liberty University police directing traffic in there, and the ridiculously large building kind of turned me off at first, but it was actually very good, and God really used the service there to help me even more. The song service was wonderful, and the sermon was about much of the same things Neema and I had talked about the night before, including the need for fellow believers to help build us up. One thing that really stood out to me was two Greek words, both translated into the English word "know". One of those words referred specifically to knowledge. The other one, however, referred to more like a progressive knowledge -- a knowing, and constantly learning more. And, of course, we need to have that second kind of knowledge when it comes God. (And a lot of other things, but that's not the point right now). I know that, it just fit very well with all that we'd talked about the night before and helped me make the distinction again.
After church, we wanted to go somewhere to eat. The church caused a major traffic jam in the whole town for a few hours though, despite the roads the church had built to give people more ways in and out, and by the time we had discovered what our options were, all the places we were interested in going to were completely packed with long lines of people. So after driving around for (literally) a couple hours, we just stopped at Kroger and bought something quick with the plans to go somewhere that evening. So, we went back home and Neema and I talked for a few hours. Then we went with Emmett to Cracker Barrel. It was good. When we came back, Neema and I talked till a bit after 10:00. An hour or two of that was with our other friend at that dorm also, and occasionally another student who had some time or who had met Neema before or something.
This morning I got up and said bye before Neema left on the bus bringing students to campus. It runs every 30 minutes. Then I went back to bed until Emmett got up, and then we came home.
The whole trip was /VERY/ refreshing. Mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I'm very greatful to God for using it to help me so much! These days have definitely been some of the best in my life.
2008-08-11
What's the point?
So, what's the point in having a blog that I never write in? I have no idea. I guess just so that if/when I ever do feel like writing in it, I can. Sorry it's boring to any readers. Right now I'm so far behind on email and Facebook messages that if I ever feel like writing something, I work on those, not this thing.
Sorry. Life goes on though, and it's been quite interesting and even very enjoyable much, or even most of the time. Last night I missed Edith and Brian so much I couldn't even write emails. I find myself wishing, as I think Lauren does, that I at least knew some somewhat definite time that I would see them again, and that that would help me so much in the mean time. But not knowing if you'll ever see some of the dearest people to you in the world while on Earth is hard.
I tend to just go along with whatever comes my way, not much affected by any of it. Sad things happen, it doesn't get me down. Happy things happen, I don't get that excited. But this is a big thing. Perhaps I make a bigger deal of my own life than I should? I don't know.
...anyway, I dunno what that's for. To sort out a few thoughts? Maybe. Or maybe just because I remembered that I have a blog and felt like I should write in it. Problem is, it seems like I often write in this when I'm confused, so that's all my readers get. Oh well.
Sorry. Life goes on though, and it's been quite interesting and even very enjoyable much, or even most of the time. Last night I missed Edith and Brian so much I couldn't even write emails. I find myself wishing, as I think Lauren does, that I at least knew some somewhat definite time that I would see them again, and that that would help me so much in the mean time. But not knowing if you'll ever see some of the dearest people to you in the world while on Earth is hard.
I tend to just go along with whatever comes my way, not much affected by any of it. Sad things happen, it doesn't get me down. Happy things happen, I don't get that excited. But this is a big thing. Perhaps I make a bigger deal of my own life than I should? I don't know.
...anyway, I dunno what that's for. To sort out a few thoughts? Maybe. Or maybe just because I remembered that I have a blog and felt like I should write in it. Problem is, it seems like I often write in this when I'm confused, so that's all my readers get. Oh well.
2008-08-01
Skillet - Those Nights
This song is very special to me because it reminds me of so many nights I stayed up talking with Brian, Ma, Pa, Neema, and occasionally others. Those nights really are what kept me going.
I remember when we used to laugh about nothing at all
It was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
Forget 'em all
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all
Remember when we'd
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
I remember when we used to drive anywhere but here
As long as we'd forget our lives
We were so young and confused
That we didn't know to laugh or cry
Those nights were ours
They will live and never die
Together we'd stand forever
Remember when we'd
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong with us
Those nights belong to us
I remember when we used to laugh
And now i wish those nights would last
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong
I remember when we used to laugh about nothing at all
It was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
Forget 'em all
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all
Remember when we'd
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
I remember when we used to drive anywhere but here
As long as we'd forget our lives
We were so young and confused
That we didn't know to laugh or cry
Those nights were ours
They will live and never die
Together we'd stand forever
Remember when we'd
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong with us
Those nights belong to us
I remember when we used to laugh
And now i wish those nights would last
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong
2008-07-24
More News
My order just came today! Three CDs. VNV Nation - Judgment, Assemblage 23 - Meta, and Skillet - Comatose! Yay!
Have been, and am, very busy, and will be going to a family reunion tomorrow. I think I'll be back Sunday evening, but I'm not really sure. Maybe Monday? I'll miss you guys!
Have been, and am, very busy, and will be going to a family reunion tomorrow. I think I'll be back Sunday evening, but I'm not really sure. Maybe Monday? I'll miss you guys!
2008-07-21
Update
News: I now have a bike, and will probably ride it almost every day.
Other news: I'm doing fine. Strange thoughts coming to my mind every now and then, but it seems to have calmed down, and I'm simply fine - doing well. Dunno what else to write though. I'm not feeling extremely creative, and what creativity there is, I need to use for writing an email or writing emails.
Other news: I'm doing fine. Strange thoughts coming to my mind every now and then, but it seems to have calmed down, and I'm simply fine - doing well. Dunno what else to write though. I'm not feeling extremely creative, and what creativity there is, I need to use for writing an email or writing emails.
2008-07-16
Late night fun.
I don't know what this says about me, (feel free to comment) but I think it's absolutely hilarious! ...Brian, Daryl, and I did some really funny song Brian wrote in school one time for the end-of-term celebration. This reminds me of it. I guess that's just a part of who I am. --A part that likes very silly songs.
2008-07-15
News
...I had a kindof bad day. I didn't feel like I accomplished much at all in my 8 or 9 hours of work except in the first one or two hours, mainly because I was trying to do something in a terrible way, and wasn't quite understanding how the whole project was supposed to work in the end. Of course, that doesn't have to make a bad day at all, but sadly, I let it. Thankfully, now I've realized that, and my day is back to being a good day.
Not much news. Emmett and I started watching another anime series last night. The 4 episodes we watched were... interesting. Basically, someone was somehow living inside a MMORPG. Even he himself didn't know how that happened, but all the game admins and stuff were trying to figure out what was going on and why he wasn't logging out, ever. ...weird, but I'm curious how it will turn out. The show is ".hack//Sign"
Hmm. Thoughts? Strangely, I haven't been thinking a huge amount the past couple days. It feels like a big relief to have finally come to some conclusion about the thing I was thinking about last week.
So... since then, let's see. I've been thinking of Lauren, pondering about who she is, who she used to be, and wondering what happened inbetween. Thinking about Brian, and wanting to share stuff with him. Thinking about Hannah. And, just a bit, thinking about college - wondering if I'll ever go, if I should go, etc. I want to go, because I'm sure I'd enjoy it heaps; but does God want me to go? Because what I want to do is obey and please God. Just like when I came here, I wanted to stay in ZM, but I knew God wanted me to come here, so, ultimately, I wanted to come here.
Not much news. Emmett and I started watching another anime series last night. The 4 episodes we watched were... interesting. Basically, someone was somehow living inside a MMORPG. Even he himself didn't know how that happened, but all the game admins and stuff were trying to figure out what was going on and why he wasn't logging out, ever. ...weird, but I'm curious how it will turn out. The show is ".hack//Sign"
Hmm. Thoughts? Strangely, I haven't been thinking a huge amount the past couple days. It feels like a big relief to have finally come to some conclusion about the thing I was thinking about last week.
So... since then, let's see. I've been thinking of Lauren, pondering about who she is, who she used to be, and wondering what happened inbetween. Thinking about Brian, and wanting to share stuff with him. Thinking about Hannah. And, just a bit, thinking about college - wondering if I'll ever go, if I should go, etc. I want to go, because I'm sure I'd enjoy it heaps; but does God want me to go? Because what I want to do is obey and please God. Just like when I came here, I wanted to stay in ZM, but I knew God wanted me to come here, so, ultimately, I wanted to come here.
2008-07-14
Current Status
I'm doing very well. I had a great weekend, had a nice day of rest on Sunday, and an enjoyable day of work today. I'm quite happy, and am thinking much more clearly than I was last week. (At least I feel like I am.) Some descisions/answered prayers really helped that.
I'm not feeling at all creative however, and because of that, I can't think of anything interesting to write. I'm still here though, and am doing well.
I'm not feeling at all creative however, and because of that, I can't think of anything interesting to write. I'm still here though, and am doing well.
2008-07-11
Thank You
Thank you Hannah for your support and care.
Thank you for being someone I can share with.
Thank you for listening, and being someone to listen to — for talking and being someone to talk to.
Thank you for not making fun of my crazy thoughts on so many things, but instead listening to me, and sharing your honest opinion, rather than just claiming to agree with me or dismissing my crazy ideas entirely.
Thank you for your time and being a huge amount of help to me.
Thank you Emmett for your help with work.
Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for caring about me and helping whenever you can.
Thank you for listening to me, and talking to me.
Thank you for being there, and being a great friend.
And most of all, Thank You God, for giving me these people!
Thank you for being someone I can share with.
Thank you for listening, and being someone to listen to — for talking and being someone to talk to.
Thank you for not making fun of my crazy thoughts on so many things, but instead listening to me, and sharing your honest opinion, rather than just claiming to agree with me or dismissing my crazy ideas entirely.
Thank you for your time and being a huge amount of help to me.
Thank you Emmett for your help with work.
Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for caring about me and helping whenever you can.
Thank you for listening to me, and talking to me.
Thank you for being there, and being a great friend.
And most of all, Thank You God, for giving me these people!
2008-07-10
Thoughts and feelings 5 1/2 hours later
Well, after after writing that I took a nice nap, and here's a response or whatever to my previous post.
Basically, I just needed to remember all the things I kept in my mind to comfort me when leaving.
Emmett just got back from an apparently very long day, which helped me realize, I need to be here for him, rather than thinking so much of myself.
Basically, I just needed to remember all the things I kept in my mind to comfort me when leaving.
- God is in control, no matter what happens, and He does have the very best plan.
- I will see Brian and the others again. The separation really is just temporary, even if I don't see them before heaven.
- The important thing is doing God's will. The results are up to Him.
Emmett just got back from an apparently very long day, which helped me realize, I need to be here for him, rather than thinking so much of myself.
Current thoughts/feelings
I'm always happy, I'm always cheerful. I never get depressed, because if I even start to feel down, I just focus on all that God has blessed me with, and the beauty of His creation, and all that I don't understand about it just adds to it's beauty and magnificence.
All of that is true about me, right? So why am I having a hard time working, or doing anything seriously. Why do I just feel like crying, yet am still unable to? Will this pain of missing people go away eventually? I guess it will be like it was with Kasemuka. But she was gone before I could even get to know her. But my family?
Me and my brother Brian have always planned everything together. Our lives are (were?) tied together in all of our plans. But now? What happens to all our dreams? What happens to that priceless closeness? I don't want to think of this being apart as anything but temporary. But is it temporary? And if not, why? WHY!?
Dear, dear God. I know you know what you're doing. Please help me to trust you.
I will now retire to my bed for a while, as tears are finally coming freely.
All of that is true about me, right? So why am I having a hard time working, or doing anything seriously. Why do I just feel like crying, yet am still unable to? Will this pain of missing people go away eventually? I guess it will be like it was with Kasemuka. But she was gone before I could even get to know her. But my family?
Me and my brother Brian have always planned everything together. Our lives are (were?) tied together in all of our plans. But now? What happens to all our dreams? What happens to that priceless closeness? I don't want to think of this being apart as anything but temporary. But is it temporary? And if not, why? WHY!?
Dear, dear God. I know you know what you're doing. Please help me to trust you.
I will now retire to my bed for a while, as tears are finally coming freely.
2008-07-08
Edith
I'm not sure what my readers are supposed to get from this, but it's nice writing out thoughts to people.
I just wrote you a reasonably long email in reply to yours from nearly a three weeks ago. You probably won't get it until Friday.
Five months ago we were spending several hours together every day of the week. We could detect nearly every change in emotion either one of us had, because we knew each other that well. We were the very best of friends. Now we haven't spoken a word or even seen each other for over a quarter of a year.
I miss you. I wonder how you are, how you're doing, how you're handling not having me or Neema to share your thoughts with. Does Brian or Daryl help you with your algebra now? Are you still enjoying it? Are you still happy? I hope you are my friend. I hope you are not dying inside while the rest of the world is amazed by your apparent cheerfulness. Brian is always there, and would be happy to help you any time he can. Or, perhaps even better, Ma. She helped you a lot when I left, right? She is good at understanding emotions, and will freely share from her massive pool of knowledge if you want or need advice. If nothing else, give her a hug every now and then. You both need them.
I wonder where we'll be in the future? Will you join Neema at college? Will I join Brian back in Zambia? Let's look at it an an exciting adventure. We don't know where the next path will lead to, but lets enjoy the ones we're on right now, and explore them fully.
I just wrote you a reasonably long email in reply to yours from nearly a three weeks ago. You probably won't get it until Friday.
Five months ago we were spending several hours together every day of the week. We could detect nearly every change in emotion either one of us had, because we knew each other that well. We were the very best of friends. Now we haven't spoken a word or even seen each other for over a quarter of a year.
I miss you. I wonder how you are, how you're doing, how you're handling not having me or Neema to share your thoughts with. Does Brian or Daryl help you with your algebra now? Are you still enjoying it? Are you still happy? I hope you are my friend. I hope you are not dying inside while the rest of the world is amazed by your apparent cheerfulness. Brian is always there, and would be happy to help you any time he can. Or, perhaps even better, Ma. She helped you a lot when I left, right? She is good at understanding emotions, and will freely share from her massive pool of knowledge if you want or need advice. If nothing else, give her a hug every now and then. You both need them.
I wonder where we'll be in the future? Will you join Neema at college? Will I join Brian back in Zambia? Let's look at it an an exciting adventure. We don't know where the next path will lead to, but lets enjoy the ones we're on right now, and explore them fully.
What's with the name?
Okay, so, I'm just starting this thing. I'm still not sure exactly what kind of things I'm going to be writing on here, but I guess I'll start out by explaining my title.
To know someone very well is actually quite difficult. In general, a large amount of time is required to truly get to know someone very well. Doing various things with them helps you to get to know them better, because each of those things reveals another part of who they are. For example, by spending time with someone in these two situations, you can learn entirely different things about them.
Situation 1: You are with your friend at Dollywood. He/She has been there three times before, but it is your first time, and he/she has brought you there for your birthday. You follow them most of the time, enjoying their telling you about different things to do, the fun rides with them, and most of all, the time of being with them and sharing experiences together.
Situation 2: One of your very best friends just died yesterday. After going to the funeral this morning, you are now at church for a Wednesday night prayer meeting. After the service you find you've wondered off alone to cry. Your parents will most likely still be there for over an hour, but all you want to do is go home to bed and cry. The same friend who brought you to Dollywood now finds you. He/She doesn't even know your friend who just died, but the one time they did meet, they had somewhat of a personality clash.
Hopefully this illustrates my point: Doing and sharing different things with people teaches you more and more about them. Each thing reveals a small part of them to you, and a small part of you to them.
This blog is revealing a small part of me to it's readers. Nobody could get to know me completely by reading this, but everyone who reads it will probably get to know another small part of who I am.
To know someone very well is actually quite difficult. In general, a large amount of time is required to truly get to know someone very well. Doing various things with them helps you to get to know them better, because each of those things reveals another part of who they are. For example, by spending time with someone in these two situations, you can learn entirely different things about them.
Situation 1: You are with your friend at Dollywood. He/She has been there three times before, but it is your first time, and he/she has brought you there for your birthday. You follow them most of the time, enjoying their telling you about different things to do, the fun rides with them, and most of all, the time of being with them and sharing experiences together.
Situation 2: One of your very best friends just died yesterday. After going to the funeral this morning, you are now at church for a Wednesday night prayer meeting. After the service you find you've wondered off alone to cry. Your parents will most likely still be there for over an hour, but all you want to do is go home to bed and cry. The same friend who brought you to Dollywood now finds you. He/She doesn't even know your friend who just died, but the one time they did meet, they had somewhat of a personality clash.
Hopefully this illustrates my point: Doing and sharing different things with people teaches you more and more about them. Each thing reveals a small part of them to you, and a small part of you to them.
This blog is revealing a small part of me to it's readers. Nobody could get to know me completely by reading this, but everyone who reads it will probably get to know another small part of who I am.
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